I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
