birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
