How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
