Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
