I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
