i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
