my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize