I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
