At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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