It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
