Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize