it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
