Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
