She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Say something about gay babies.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize