Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
