So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize