true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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