I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
