my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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