Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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