Kareoke will never be a sober sport
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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