I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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