People in love make me want to vomit
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
