Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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