I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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