it's too hot outside to masturbate.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
