do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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