I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
