dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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