My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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