I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize