If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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