So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
