I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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