I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
