Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
