Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So vagazzling was a success
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
