This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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