very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i already hear my dad disowning me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
