i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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