dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
