I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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