he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
