So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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