i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
