we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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