I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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