Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
