next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
