I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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