hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
