Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
