Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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