She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So many bounce houses so little time
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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