i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize