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dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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