Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
