Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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