Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
