Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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