Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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