i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
