Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
