If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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